With boundaries, we draw a line between “me” and “you.” We differentiate.Instead of all living in the same lump of a problem, trying to fix it and help it, we step back and breathe a little.Question: "What is the difference between dating and courting?
First and foremost, dating is a time when a Christian finds out if his or her potential marriage partner is also a believer in Christ.
The Bible warns us that believers and unbelievers should not marry each other, because those living in the light (of Christ) and those living in the darkness cannot live in harmony (2 Corinthians -15).
Then we start to see what belongs to you, and what belongs to me. We each acknowledge this and make new choices accordingly. With that gift of freedom comes responsibility, and I embrace my own choices, behaviors, and emotions.
God has given my husband a free will, and I allow it.
That, I think, is a dynamic that so many couples dealing with a pornography addiction can understand. When fixing and helping don’t work, there is another way: boundaries.
The addict is addicted, and the spouse takes responsibility to “fix” and help. Fixing and helping is what happens when you’ve got a problem in the family. But boundaries are a total paradigm shift, and it takes time for us to be motivated enough—usually by extreme pain—to stop fixing and helping, and get some boundaries in place.They make this statement: When two people together take responsibility to do what is best for the marriage, love can grow. Unfortunately, I’ve never seen the fixing and helping actually fix or help anything.When they do not, one takes on too much responsibility and resents it; the other does not take on enough, and becomes self-centered or controlling. It just leaves everybody feeling frustrated, exhausted, discouraged, and stuck.To learn more about Amazon Sponsored Products, click here.Daily Devotionals from Charles Stanley delivered to your door for FREE!Henry Cloud and John Townsend have written a marvelous book called Boundaries in Marriage.