We cling so desperately to the security that dating labels bring.Maybe it’s “talking” or “courtship.” Maybe it’s “boyfriend” or “best friend” or “fiancé.” Defining a relationship is important, but the moment we find comfort in that alone is the moment unfair—and often un-communicated—expectations find their foothold. This issue shapes our young people, friends, and family more than we could ever imagine. “Let’s just sit back and see what happens” might work in certain scenarios, but Christian dating isn’t one of them. I hope and pray these words spark conversations in your ministries, relationships, and homes. If you need to take a minute to let that sink in, I will be here when you get back… Here’s the deal: marriage isn’t a divine lottery where every person has one winning ticket. Hopefully one will end up as my spouse.” Not a good idea. So, the default for years is to leave as soon as a flaw arises. This requires discipline, restraint, and abstinence from activities that don’t promote holiness. A pure mind might be the greatest gift you can give your future spouse. ____________________ I hope this discussion continues. I pray parents, church leaders, friends, and family begin to spark conversations about God’s design for dating.
It brings us from a critical posture into a spiritual one where we recognize God’s sovereignty and conduct our relationships with His grace and love, trusting in His direction. Oftentimes we place this ball in the man’s court and passively expect him to facilitate conversation perfectly tailored to our specifications and needs.
Then we hold un-communicated hurts and disappointments against them.
I am good at writing and making jokes and cleaning. I would love to pass my days maneuvering a minivan full of foster kids to soccer games and recitals and tutoring.
None of these things would be diminished because of my size, yet none of them seem to matter because of my size.
I see it in the faces of guys I’m meeting for the first time after being matched on e Harmony, even though we’ve exchanged weeks of witty banter and embarrassing confessions.
I hear it in the concerned tones of mentors and parents who repeat phrases such as, “You’ve got such a pretty face,” and “I know you want to be married someday. ” [How the search for a soulmate went from church potlucks to Tinder] Every ounce of my being cringes, because they’re probably right. I am talented and opinionated and passionate and valuable.
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Whether we admit it or not, physical attraction plays a large role in paving the way for love.