Matched with destiny, your future trips happily towards the light.
This is the best case scenario, a situation that everybody assures you will happen, regardless of how dire it all looks.
Attempting to date someone using a mainstream online dating site can be frustrating if you continue receiving replies similar to these—or no reply at all.
You follow up, you wait, things usually don’t pan out.
When you do find success, you realize that it came the way most things in life happen — organically, through people you know.
This post examines some of the reasons why online rejection happens. Dating Sites Are a Different Environment In a face-to-face environment, we generally look for some verbal or nonverbal signals or indications of interest from someone before approaching them.
In an online dating environment, such indicators are absent; all we have is maybe a couple of photos and some basic facts about the person we intend to approach.
So, try not to label yourself based on one interaction which was probably superficial anyway. It may also help you to maintain a better perspective and view the situation as one door closing so that another one can open.
Be careful that you don’t give your power away and allow someone who doesn’t really know you to have a great deal of influence over your self-image. If a match wasn’t interested in talking with you – well go and talk to another one, there are many more online.
You must be, otherwise you wouldn’t hurt so much, right? Here’s why: Recent studies placed people in f MRI machines (scanners that look at what happens in our brains when we’re thinking or doing something) and asked them to think about a painful and recent rejection. The same pathways in the brain became activated when people experienced a rejection as when they experienced physical pain.
In fact, the overlap was so substantial, that when researchers gave people the pain reliever Acetaminophen (Tylenol) and put them through a rejection experience, they reported feeling significantly less emotional pain than those who did not receive Tylenol.
There is no way to assess whether potential dates are interested other than to message them.
Therefore, initial messaging in online dating serves a different function: It's a test of interest. ‘The Online Disinhibition Effect’ Cyberpsychology and Behaviour, 7 (3), 321-326.
What makes rejection even more painful is that any effort to understand what went wrong can easily lead to bouts of self-criticism and self-blaming.