Worse, if we are in a deeply emotional experience, we are called irrational, crazy, menstrual, bitchy and worse. Second, if he has emotions, he has to stuff them if he wants to be loved.The effect is to deny us that which makes us human. Once you become aware of it, you will see it between parents and even very small children, between friends, at the dinner table, at parties and at work. Third, if he wants to be tough and strong like Dad, he can’t allow himself to feel anything. Assuming the lesson has been repeated over and over, what kind of relationship training does that young man have for dealing with emotionality of his first relationships with a girl None, of course.
It's a flat-out dismissal of your emotions, but emotional invalidation is especially insidious because of its subtlety.
It's a quiet erosion of your value in the relationship.
He found that when one's feelings are denied a person can be made to feel crazy even they are perfectly mentally healthy. Further, emotion inhibition significantly predicted psychological distress, including depression and anxiety symptoms.) Invalidation goes beyond mere rejection by implying not only that our feelings are disapproved of, but that we are fundamentally abnormal. Sometimes it feels as though as a parent life is so overwhelming and there is too much for one person to do.
This implies that there is something wrong with us because we aren't like everyone else; we are strange; we are different; we are weird. The more different from the mass norm a person is, for example, more intelligent or more sensitive, the more he is likely to be invalidated. During those times I have to focus on one thing at a time, ask for help if I can, try to do it well, and accept some things just wont happen as ideally as Id like.
Self-validation is the recognition and acceptance of your own thoughts, feelings, sensations and behaviors as understandable. Multi-tasking while you listen to your teenager's story about his soccer game is not being present.
Learning how to use validation effectively takes practice. Being present means giving all your attention to the person you are validating.If you have led a normal life, this has happened to you thousands of times. As human beings, we are 98% emotional and 2% rational. It is, in my subjective opinion, one of the root causes of relationship conflicts, trauma-induced mental illness and violence.Anywhere you look for relationship advice, you'll hear that communication is the key to a successful relationship. And this all goes without saying that not caring about your feelings is incredibly cold and callous. We do have control over our emotions to some extent, but always claiming you're too sensitive every time you get upset just invalidates any unhappiness you might have.When your partner is shutting down your ability to communicate — turning your relationship into a one-sided conversation — they're killing any chance the two of you have at making it. And then, since you're "not really unhappy, just being sensitive," there's no need to talk about why you're unhappy. : Learn to recognize emotional invalidation in all of its insidious forms.